Rachel Bowman

What Story Are You Telling Yourself?

March 12, 2020 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

I’ve learned a lot of unexpected lessons from our kitchen renovation. It hasn’t gone the way we thought it was going to go. There have been issues with everyone we’ve worked with. At times it has felt like every single step brings up at least two new problems to solve. And of course it’s taken longer than expected.

Just when we thought it was going to be finished, we found out some of the work was not done that well and should be re-done.

It was really frustrating.

We decided to re-do the work now. So after having access to our kitchen and most of our appliances for a few short days, we are once again shut off from the kitchen.

I told my husband it feels like we spent all this money for nothing. It felt like we had spent all that money and adjusted our lives around this renovation just to be put out and it would never get finished.

But that was me feeling bad.

Another part of me is so excited to have the kitchen of my dreams now, not in ten years when I can’t take it anymore or we decide we want to sell the house. A new space that I love and that reflects us. A space where I will make memories with my girls, baking, chopping vegetables, making play-doh. New appliances that we are really excited about.

You see, there are two different stories here. And I get to choose which one I want to believe. Both stories stem from real thoughts that I had, but I can choose which one to focus on and put my belief in.

Having a coach to guide you and help you see that you get to decide which story you want to be in can change everything.

You don’t have to get stuck in the wrong story.

If you’re ready to change your story, let’s talk. Schedule a call with me here.

Simplifying My Life Helped Me Make It Through My Kitchen Reno

March 3, 2020 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

A few years ago I was stressed about what to feed my family for dinner every night and how to fit everything into the short amount of time from arriving from daycare pickup to the kids’ bedtime. I was always in a rush. It was hard to concentrate on my kids because there were always other thoughts running through the back of my mind.

There was just so much stuff to do in such a small amount of time.

I had to figure out a better way.

And I did.

My life looks totally different now, but I’m still using the lessons I learned then.

We’re remodeling our kitchen and haven’t had a working kitchen in weeks.

Eating out every night with 3 small kids is just not an option for us. I tried precooked meat and steam-in-the-bag veg for the first week, and that wasn’t great either.

So, I looked at what I could use – the grill. That’s how I’ve been preparing dinner for the last few weeks. It’s allowed me to keep putting simple, healthy meals on the table for my family without stressing about not having a kitchen.

I could have given in to the chaos and made it even worse by trying to do a bunch of unnecessary stuff. Instead, I tried something that didn’t work for me and then just had to rethink a little and we’re back on track.

I can help you simplify your life too, so you can actually focus on your kids and not stress about all the things you have to do before they go to bed.

Book a call with me here to talk about it.

Sometime I Need to Give Myself a Time Out

March 14, 2019 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

Mommy Time Out - Just Getting Things Done

Do you ever have one of those days where your kids are all up in your space and you can’t even sit down without one of them climbing on you or stepping on you? They follow you into the bathroom even when you try to shut the door. They ask for things non-stop. By the time you start working on getting the first thing they asked for, they’ve already asked for two other things?

Yeah, me too.

They’re the days that try my patience. I get frustrated and it just keeps building and building until I am about to blow. And then I do.

I lose it with my kids and yell at them.

It’s so weird how the people we love the most are also the ones that see this side of us that most people never even see. I mean, my kids are the last people I want to treat this way. I love and respect them.

But they’re family and they know how to push my buttons.

I’m not saying they do it on purpose. I’m not saying it’s their fault if I lose my cool. I’m not even saying it’s ok to lose my cool or yell at my kids the way I have.

It’s not ok for me.

That’s why I’ve been working so hard on my parenting skills – my main goal is to keep calm and not lose my sh*t with my kids.

But here’s the thing. No matter what parenting choices I’m making, I have to pay attention to how I’m feeling. When I realize I’m starting to get frustrated is when I need to do something about it. I don’t have to wait to ask for help.

It’s hard though to recognize when I’m getting frustrated and take action about that.

It’s so much easier to see when it’s happening to my husband. I can see that he’s getting frustrated, I can hear the way he’s talking. I know that’s not how he would normally respond. When it’s my own feelings and emotions, it’s hard to see it that way. Luckily I get to practice all the time.

My parenting coach and mentor, Ann Kaplan, says that we can remove the child, the object or ourselves – and when I’m the one that’s frustrated is usually when I have to remove myself.

I give myself a time out.

Seriously. Sometimes I just need a few minutes by myself to calm down, and I take them. I tell the kids, “I’m getting really frustrated and I need some time to myself.”

Whether I have to ask someone to watch them for a few minutes or I just go into another room. I take the time I need to calm down and then I can deal with the situation the way I want to. Without losing my cool.

Of course there are days where just a few minutes don’t cut it. I might be back to ok in a few minutes, but then need more time later. Or I might just need more than a few minutes. I figure out how to make it happen.

Mommy time outs are just one more tool in my parenting arsenal, but they are an important one, because sometimes the kids aren’t the problem.

The Super Simple Decluttering Tip I Almost Got Wrong

March 3, 2019 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

What’s the simplest decluttering tip ever?

Have a place to put stuff you want to get rid of – and tell your family about it!

When we moved into our new house a few months ago, despite having gotten rid of a lot of things we didn’t need, I realized I was still coming across stuff that doesn’t fit into our life for one reason or another. For awhile I just put the items on the counter in the laundry room, but I hated them just being in a mess on the counter.

It was even more obviously clutter, but only when I was in the laundry room and the door wasn’t wide open. (So basically never.) Still, the first few times I noticed it I slipped back into the old, “I’ll take care of that later.”

Then I decided to do something about it. I took an empty diaper box that was being used as a toy and neatly put everything that was to be donated into the box. The box went into an empty cupboard and that was that.

Now every time I come across something that we don’t want or need, I put it in the box.

But I was reading The Life on Purpose Movement blog and realized that while that was a great strategy, I had missed a crucial step –

I didn’t tell anyone else about the designated spot for stuff to donate!

I just quietly put stuff in there, including at least one Christmas gift that just wasn’t working for me. It wasn’t a secret exactly, I showed my 5 year old when she something she wanted to give away, but I didn’t tell everyone where it was and what it was for. I just cleaned it up and put it out of site.

Here’s the thing though, the picture Erica painted of kids making piles made me think back on all of the items my children have voluntarily gotten rid of. Especially when they see me doing it. When I lead by example.

So instead of quietly hiding it away, I am advertising it to my family.

Now, when they come across something that they want to get rid of, I just tell them “You know where to put it.” And they do.

You can take it one step further and have a box or bag in your closet too.

Then when you try on something you don’t like or that doesn’t fit right, you can just put it in the bag. You can have one in everyone’s room. Whatever works for you and makes it easier for you.

As long as you have a place to put things that no longer serve you and everyone knows about it.

How does this work with kids?

However you want it to. In our family, we like to let our kids make their own decisions about their things. We might try to help guide them in their decision-making but generally them let have the last word. There may be exceptions to this rule if we feel very strongly about something, but we haven’t gotten there yet. I assume if this does happen it will be about something we paid a lot of money for.

The other good thing about doing this with kids is that, if you have a place in your house where you temporarily hold onto things, they can change their mind.

My 5 year old did this with one of her Christmas gifts. She got this really big Pottery Barn jewelry box from one of her aunts and uncles. After a few weeks she decided she didn’t want it and I helped her put it in the spot for stuff to donate. My husband was upset about it and didn’t want her to give it away, but did let her make the choice. Then, a week later she decided that she no longer wanted to give it away and we just took it out and put it back in her room.

That can be a slippery slope though. Just know that you have to be clear with your children about how things work.

I know from experience though that this has instilled in my children the desire to give things to people that they think would like to use them. I’ve seen it happen time and again and to me, it’s worth it.

Agree or Disagree – Kendra Hennessy says to Take a Chill Pill

January 22, 2019 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

Kendra Hennessy of Mother Like a Boss has a podcast episode called Take a chill pill. In the episode she says, of course, that we all need to take a chill pill. We need to chill out our egos because we’re letting them run the show. Our egos are always complaining, telling us what we’re doing is wrong and forcing us to worry about things we don’t need to worry about.

I don’t know about all that. I mean, I had to look up ego to even try to wrap my head around it. According to google, our ego is our sense of self-esteem or self-importance, by the way.

She also said we’re all so worried about how people will perceive us and how we show up, and I definitely do those things. If I had to say it in my own words, I guess I would say we have to stop taking ourselves so seriously. And also, other people don’t notice what you do as much as you think they do. We’re all too busy thinking about ourselves.

What works for Kendra is to take action. She said you can sit down and answer these questions:

What are you worried about?
What can you change?

Get it out of your head and let go of the stuff you can’t change and do something about the stuff you can change so you can enjoy what’s surrounding you right now.

(She goes into a lot more detail on control in Episode 103, Letting go of the need to control)

Do you agree or disagree?

I agree that if you feel that way, getting it all out of your head and onto paper so you can determine what things are out of your control and let go of those, and which things you can do something about is a good thing.

Body Image – What Message Are We Sending Our Kids

January 14, 2019 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

I have 3 daughters and I want to raise them to love their bodies. I want them to have a healthy body image. I look at them and I think they’re beautiful. But I also think they’re going to be built like me. I mean, my oldest is only 5 so who knows. But the thing is, I can’t imagine ever thinking they aren’t beautiful, even if they are built like me.

I feel pretty certain that my mom looks at me and thinks I’m beautiful. No matter what.

So why don’t I feel that way myself?

I went through this phase where I was watching a lot of stand-up comedy and there’s a lot of material out there about women’s bodies. I mean, I know what goes on in my own head about my body, I’ve talked about it before. Recently I was at an event, sitting around a table with a group of women I didn’t know and the topic of body image came up. Everyone had something they didn’t like about their bodies. Everyone.

Why do we all have something we don’t like about our bodies???

I don’t have an answer.

I know that I have a strong tendency to compare myself with other women. Just the other day, we went to a thing at my daughter’s new school. I was standing around a playground with tons of other moms and I felt like it was some kind of audition. And the really sad thing is, I was so jealous of the women that looked really good that things like “Oh, she thinks she’s so hot. She’s too good for us so she’s just looking at her phone.” were going through my head.

What?!?

On the one hand I want women to feel good about themselves and take care of themselves in a way that shows it. On the other hand, if someone looks “too good” it makes me mad because I don’t feel like I look that good.

There’s no way to win.

I mean, it’s not a game. I know I’m a competitive person, but I am not in competition with these women, so why do I feel that way?

Again, I don’t know.

I know that the images we see in the media, in movies are not that realistic. I know that women have a million choices to make about how they look. Where they get their hair cut, how they style it, what products they use, where they buy their makeup, how they apply it, what kind of clothes they wear and on and on.

And somehow we all sit here thinking “I wish I had her _____”. Meanwhile she’s sitting there thinking the same thing about someone else.

We are all beautiful.

It’s not about our waist size or our cup size or whatever size you’re worried about. It’s not even about the clothes or the makeup you wear. It’s more than that.

But it’s so hard to accept that in real life.

It doesn’t have to be a comparison. We can each be beautiful in our own right.

Maybe that’s the problem, the comparison? Or is it that I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin? Why do I feel like something about me needs to be different for me to be beautiful?

My husband loves the roundness in my belly that comes from having 3 kids in the last 5 years. He doesn’t ever criticize my body, he only says positive things about it.

I would never criticize my daughters’ bodies.

So maybe it’s time to stop criticizing mine.

I try to tell myself that I’ve grown, birthed and fed 3 humans with this body. That’s crazy! But it doesn’t really help change how I feel about it.

I still sometimes wish it were different.

But now instead of trying to change my body, I’m trying to change my thoughts.

Melissa Camara Wilkins wrote a post she called What I Want My Children to Know About Body Image and her message is, your body doesn’t need to be bigger or smaller it just needs to be your own. That in our culture there seems to be one type of body that’s “best” and everyone should look like that.

But that’s not how bodies work. We have different hair and eye color. We have different size feet.

She says there is no best. “We aren’t all supposed to be the SAME. We’re all supposed to be OURSELVES.”

She also talks about noticing our feelings and asking if they match what we believe. Even just writing it down makes so much sense – of course there is no best and we aren’t all supposed to be the same. So when I notice myself having these feelings of not measuring up to someone else, I’ll just have to remind myself that we aren’t meant to be the same and neither one is best.

I want my message to my children to be that their bodies are just as they are meant to be too. It all starts with me though. I have to lead by example. So I will do my best. For me and my daughters.

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