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At the beginning of the school year I got yelled at by a crossing guard for crossing the parking lot where there wasn’t a crosswalk. I was doing my best just to get my kids to school and figure out where I needed to go. And I made a mistake. Even though I did my best and had asked the day before if we could cross there.

I felt ashamed that I did it wrong.

One of the teachers pulled me aside and talked to me about it. She told me where I should drop my kids off and that she would talk to the principal and send me an email.

In the moment I couldn’t believe that I could make such a big mistake. It was so embarrassing to be yelled at in front of a huge line of cars. All those people had to wait in their cars to do drop off the right way.

 Now I just think it seems ridiculous. 

I didn’t have all the information and I made a mistake. I’m human. It’s not a big deal. But I had to face up to the fact that I felt ashamed about it so that I could see it this way.

I made another mistake recently.

Thanksgiving was supposed to be with my parents (who have been a part of our bubble basically this whole time) and my youngest sister. We felt comfortable with that. We were glad it was going to be small.

Then my two step-brothers’ plans with their mom got cancelled. They were going to come to Thanksgiving. They each have 4 kids. They are mostly teenagers, though one niece is an adult and in the Navy. She was going to be there too.

We were not comfortable with it. We talked about not going, but I didn’t want to quarantine from my mom for two weeks. I figured they were all basically in our bubble anyway because my parents had been seeing my siblings. We knew it was not a good idea, but we ended up going anyway.

And then we got Covid.

My husband and I had “mild” symptoms and the girls had basically no symptoms. But mild symptoms made me pretty miserable for a couple weeks. During our first full week of online school. Well, basically for all of our online schooling.

And here’s where I made another mistake.

I thought that to rest meant – do all the things I normally do plus rest.

Like I was somehow going to magically have extra time in my day to rest.

And that I could ignore feeling disappointed with myself for being so careful for months and then making a mistake. I had a lot of thoughts about getting Covid and most of them were not good.

Now that I’m feeling better, it’s Christmas break. I have done almost nothing to prepare for Christmas. My older girls are going back to in-person school after the break. My three year old’s behavior is getting even more out of control and I will be with just her full-time.

And it’s ok.

I know that it will be ok.

I’m human. I make mistakes.

I started making Christmas cards at the beginning of November and didn’t finish them. I could sit here and be upset about it. We got holiday photos done for the first time ever! Instead I’m thinking I’ll do a New Year card and that will be perfect for this year. (And also, I get to share one with you here.)

So, here’s to not wallowing in our mistakes.

Best,
Rachel

P.S. If you get stuck in your head thinking about all the things that you should be doing, but not actually doing them. We should talk. I’ll help you see what’s really going on and give the roadmap to get back on track. Click here to schedule a call.

Last week I was stressing out about our family photos. We were scheduled to do both outdoor and studio photos on Saturday and I didn’t really understand how it was all going to work. Then I got an email saying I needed to have my hair and makeup professionally done and to dress “one step up” from how we normally dress.

I kept thinking about it. I didn’t think I could do it all. I didn’t even where the first photos were taking place. I didn’t think I had time to put together two sets of coordinating outfits. I didn’t like the idea of getting my hair and makeup done.

I didn’t know how to do it all and wasn’t even really sure I wanted to, but I felt like I had to.

Then I was laying in bed thinking about it and the light bulb went on. I’ve never had my hair and makeup professionally done for family photos. I’ve never bought matching outfits for photos. I’ve never done family photos anywhere but my house.

This was a totally new experience!

No wonder I didn’t know how it was going to work.

When I thought about why we were doing the photos, I knew it was to show who we are right now, to be a reminder of where we’re at in our life right now. I want them to reflect our personalities and the phases my kids are in. I didn’t want to be wearing something I never actually wear because I wanted to look back at the photo and remember when I used to wear that shirt all the time.

I decided right then I was not getting my hair and makeup done. We weren’t doing two sets of matching outfits. We didn’t need to go out and buy new clothes for this.

Also, I realized it was not my job to be in charge of the photoshoot and understand how it all works. I just had to show up and let the professional be in charge. 

I totally stopped stressing out about it.

And guess what, we all had fun.

P.S. If you’re stressed out over all the things you have to do and you’re ready for a change, I can help. All it takes is one conversation.  I’ll help you figure out how you can do everything without the stress AND how to let go of the stuff you don’t actually care about. I don’t mean letting dishes pile up in the sink, I mean making a conscious choice about what’s not important to you, like matching outfits.  Click here to schedule a call.

WHY do women apologize for the way they look?

Sorry I’m not wearing any makeup.

Sorry I look grubby, I was just working in the yard.

It comes off as this backhanded way of saying that I don’t look good enough or didn’t try hard enough when it’s really that person’s insecurity about herself. It’s not even that they think I’m judging them, it’s that they’re judging themselves so we don’t.

I know because I recognize the self-judgment.

I’ve tried it.

I had this niggling thought that said I wasn’t enough.

That thought kept creeping in and showing up in new ways of judging myself and not living up to my own standards. I got so caught up in the fear that someone else would judge me and come to the same conclusion as me – that I was lacking – that I just went ahead and judged myself before they could.

I thought knowing what I was doing wrong would help me do better.

I thought pointing out my own mistakes meant I would know what needed to be fixed.

But that’s not how self-judgment works.

Self-judgment isn’t helpful like that. What it did was make me feel even worse about myself and keep me stuck feeling like I wasn’t good enough. It didn’t allow me to see things from a different perspective. It didn’t allow me to find solutions to problems.

It made me less inclined to actually solve any problems because it just seemed like a lost cause.

Self-judgment is a vicious cycle. Like in science. The self-judgment keeps you stuck in that cycle of judging yourself and feeling bad about yourself.

You can break free.

You just have to notice it, decide you’re not going to pay attention to it and keep choosing not to let those false thoughts be true for you.

It sounds simple, but it’s not easy. Self-judgment is sneaky like that. It shows up in so many different thoughts. It’s great at disguising itself as something helpful.

If you want to break the cycle of self-judgment for good, I can help. It starts with one conversation. You tell me how it’s showing up for you, I’ll give you the outside perspective you need to break that cycle AND the tools to keep the judgment out. Click here to schedule a call.

When we moved and I was trying to work on my business I was told I needed to figure out childcare to be successful. I resisted and resisted, because I didn’t really believe it. I knew there were women building businesses and taking caring of babies. Working during naps. Homeschooling and building businesses.

I believed I could take care of my kids and work.

Right now most of us don’t have a choice about being home and working with our kids there. Conventional wisdom tells us this is impossible or really hard or maybe just miserable. I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be that way.

When I focused on figuring out how to get work done at home my own way, I figured out what worked for me:

• Instead of following a set schedule, I go with the flow.
• Instead of coming up with a million crafts and activities, I let my children make up their own crafts.
• Instead of trying to work only in big chunks of time, I work in all the in-between times.
• Instead of hoping to not get interrupted, I accept that I will get interrupted and stop what I’m doing to give my kids attention.

I had to stop doubting myself and get rid of all the things I thought I “should” be doing to make it work. Now I get to experience things like working on my computer while my kids play school, make up songs and make things out of the recycling, without me scheduling every minute for them.

When you go of all the “shoulds” you can figure out what works for you.

If you’re struggling to make it work right now, let me know. I can help. Schedule a call with me here.