Rachel Bowman

When we were in Florida visiting my grandparents, my grandma asked me to get her a sweater. I went to her closet and looked around. It was a mess. It took a few minutes for me to find a sweater.

I brought it back out to her and asked, “Grandma, how do you find anything in your closet?”

She told me someone comes every night to help her get undressed and they just put things back in the closet wherever. Apparently they’re just shoving things back in her closet wherever so there’s no rhyme or reason to any of it.

I asked if it was ok for me to organize it for her, and she said yes.

My three girls were with me, along with my sister and my niece.

My niece and one of my daughters said they wanted to help. So we went and started taking everything out of the closet. One by one my other two daughters came in to help us too.

We took everything out of the closet and sorted it into categories on the bed, deciding what was long and short sleeved, fancy or less-fancy, re-hanging things that were doubled up.

My 6 year old found a jacket she liked and I was like, “You should try it on.” So she did. And then all of the girls took a turn trying on the jacket and showing it to my grandma. Even I had a turn. I put it on and went out and modeled it for her.

We put everything back in the closet in a way that made sense and then went out and told grandma how we had organized it.

She was so grateful for it and I felt good that we had done something useful for her. But the other thing that really sticks out to me about this is how willing all the girls were to help.

I didn’t ask any of them to help, they all volunteered.

They were excited about doing it. And, they even had some fun. And now we all have the memory of that jacket and how we each had a turn putting it on. (Well, except my sister who was doing other things for them, but she’ll remember seeing all of us in it.)

I already involve my kids with cleaning and decluttering. But I don’t usually involve them in things that aren’t theirs. This has shown me that they can be willing to help (and maybe it’s even more fun) when it’s not their stuff.

If you’re sick of being in charge of all the things and want getting the kids involved to be super simple, I can help. Just one conversation can change everything. And if you want even more help, we can talk about how I can support you in implementing the changes you want. Click here to schedule a call.

I didn’t think I wanted a dog.

I had all these thoughts about what it would be like to have a dog. Thoughts like – I don’t want to be in charge of a dog. I don’t want to be the only one that takes care of the dog. I don’t want to be in charge of anyone else.

For years I said no to a dog, even when my girls were begging me for one.

Then one day Clara and I were taking a walk. When we go for walks, her goal is always to meet at least one dog that she can pet. This day we met a dog and the owner asked if we wanted her.

I thought he was joking and my immediate answer was no. But we kept talking and when I heard about all this sweet little dog had been through, I changed my mind.

I WANTED this dog.

I knew we could give her a loving home and treat her the way she deserved.

My thoughts about having a dog totally changed. I started thinking about how she could be cuddled up on the couch with me. How we could take her with us when we went for walks. How happy the girls would be to have a dog.

So, we got the Daisy.

And now that we’ve had her for awhile, I can tell you that I am not the only one in charge of her AND she makes me laugh every day. The hilarious way she jumps her back legs when she goes down the stairs. Her little ears flapping when she runs.

Changing your thoughts allows you to see possibilities that you couldn’t see before. It allows you to find creative solutions that bring more joy to your life. THIS is what I want for you. If you’re looking for a solution, I can help, just click here to schedule a call with me.

It’s been busy around here. Birthdays, Easter, appointments, spring break, more birthdays, more appointments. We even managed to have an outdoor party and get our first doses of the vaccine.

When I think about the last few weeks, it’s kind of a blur.

I remember thinking I didn’t want to be in charge of all of the healthcare appointments for all of the kids. Dreading how many orthodontist appointments I will be going to and what a big commitment it is. (Notice a theme here?)

I’m tired.

I went to craft night at my mom’s last night and instead of crafting talked to my mom and step-dad for a couple of hours. When I got up from my chair to put my empty teacup in the dishwasher, I couldn’t believe that it was after 10:00.

Tonight is bath night, which I am usually in charge of, and also my night to put the kids to bed. Because I’m tired, I was thinking about how much work all of that is.

But what happened tonight is not that story I had in my head about how tired I am and how all the things I have to do will make me even more tired.

My two oldest want to take quick showers after dinner and my husband finished work in time to bathe our youngest. So bath time will be easy.

That gave me the time to reflect and to write you.

I stayed up late last night, the last few weeks are catching up to me, and it is affecting what I’m telling myself today. And that’s ok. I didn’t ask for help tonight, but I could have.

I’m glad I had this time to reflect, so I can get out of that story about all the work I have to do.

Best,
Rachel

P.S. If you’re sick of the same old stories you’ve been telling yourself and you are ready to change them, let’s talk. I will be real with you about where you don’t see the facts and help you change the way you think, so you’re open to finding actual solutions. Click here to schedule a call.

Cooking for my family is really important to me. I cook dinner pretty much every night. And I think my kids are good eaters.

They like brussels sprouts (though they think the bacon is the best part). They eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.

But some nights, I get really disappointed.

Like the other night when they wouldn’t eat my braised beef pasta sauce. One kid wanted just pasta with cheese. One wanted plain crushed tomatoes on top. The other one complained about the noodles.

Pasta used to be the one thing everyone would eat!

Now my oldest doesn’t like the noodles I used AND doesn’t want the sauce? She literally sat at the table running a noodle through her fingers to get the sauce off?!?

It felt like I had somehow failed because I made a dinner I thought everyone would like and no one did. I had to make it special for each of them, and it was a pain. Pasta was supposed to be easy.

And then comes the inevitable request for snacks 5 seconds after dinner and I’m like, “I just made dinner. Go ask your dad.” “You can get yourself some fruit.”

It felt really personal that they didn’t want to eat this dinner I had made and I was upset about it.

And then I talked to my friend and told her this story.

She just laughed and said it’s the same at their house and told me about how pasta night goes there.

And I recalled a conversation with another friend. She asked me how I expected my 5 year old to react when I did her hair.

I should have expected her to rip her hair thing out and maybe cry about it not being right, but I didn’t. So I got upset about it and it made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I wasn’t “good enough” at doing her hair. Which was kind of ridiculous in hindsight but felt really devastating in the moment.

I realized dinner was the same.

Did I really expect my kids to eat roast that was cooked in and then shredded into their pasta sauce?

I did.

But I probably shouldn’t have.

I know they don’t like all of the things I like but I had this expectation I didn’t even realize, that they will always want to eat the dinner that I make and that they should always like it.

That’s just not realistic.

I don’t always want what I make for dinner. Of course they won’t. It doesn’t have to be anything more than that.

So next time your kids won’t eat dinner, you can just picture my daughter trying to get the pasta sauce off her noodles and remember it happens.

Best,
Rachel

P.S. If you’re frustrated and upset with the way things are going in your house and you’re ready for things to be different, I’m here for you. I’ll help you figure out what expectations are lurking under the surface and making you feel that way. Then you can decide what to let go of and what to focus on.  Click here to schedule a call.

All the advice out there about lowering standards is horrible.

• Just leave your house a mess.
• Let the dishes pile up.
• Let the laundry pile up

No thanks.

Those aren’t the standards I’m letting go. Those are my minimum standards. They’re the things that make me feel good. They’re NOT the standards I let go of.

I let go of the standards I don’t care about. 

Like:

• My kids wearing matching outfits and hair bows
• My kids wearing socks
• Doing my kids’ hair
• Caring what other people think about the way me/my kids look
• Being busy
• Being in a hurry
• Having a schedule that I stick to every day
• Making up activities for my kids
• Wearing different clothes every day
• Pinterest ideas of what my house should look like
• Contouring

You can’t do everything at once, but you can do all the things that are important to you. So you can lower your standards, just make sure you lower the right ones.

Best,
Rachel

P.S. If you’re sick of feeling like you’re failing at all the things, I can help. I’ll help you figure out what’s actually important to you and what you can let go of, without the guilt. And I’ll tell you what actually works to get motivated to tackle that to-do list. We can get all this done in one conversation. And I’ll tell you about what it would look like to have my support while you’re implementing it. Click here to schedule a call.

There was this post making the rounds on FB that says “Take a break. Take a vacation from your vacation. Don’t make progress on your goals. Become your couch.” or something like that.

I hate it.

I don’t like being told to take a break. I don’t like being told I have to rest.

Especially when I’ve already been taking a break and taking a rest.

But it’s more than that.

I don’t like the message is that if you rest you are a lump on the couch and that’s the only thing you do. That that’s the only way to get rest. And that when you rest you are completely neglecting your goals and the things you actually want to do.

That’s not what rest means to me –  rest means I take care of myself.

That’s also not what it looks like for me.  When I want to be a lump on the couch, I still have to take care of my kids most of the time. l have to get up to get snacks or help someone go to the bathroom. Or I’m napping to some kids show that I don’t even want to watch.

I have had plenty of rest and taken plenty of breaks over the holiday season. And I made progress on my goals.

I decluttered and cleaned out the mud room. The whole family worked to declutter and clean the basement. My youngest two cleaned windows and surfaces in the living room. My husband swept floors. 

I wanted to eat pastry cream, so I made it. I baked a cake and made pastry cream to go with that. I did watch a lot of the Great British Baking Show while I was resting, that may have had something to do with it too.

The point is, society sends us these messages about what rest looks like that just aren’t realistic. It’s not all or nothing. You don’t have to sacrifice what you want to get rest. You don’t have to only rest to get rest. The rest is either a reward for the progress or what allows me to make the progress. Sometimes both.

Rest looks like going to bed right after you put the kids to bed. Having a night of uninterrupted sleep. Sometimes it looks like laying on the couch and telling your kids to get their own snacks. Maybe it’s popcorn movie night or leftovers for dinner so you have time to sit on the couch and snuggle.

I don’t know what it looks like for you, I can only give you examples of what it looks like for me.

I just want you to know that you can rest without letting everything else fall apart.

Best,
Rachel

P.S. If you want to actually rest instead of just running through your to-do list while you mindlessly watch a show (or if you need to figure out how to fit rest in), I’m here for you. I’ll tell you how to rest without just letting all the to-dos pile up.  Click here to schedule a time to talk.