I was listening to this podcast episode that my sister told me about in the car yesterday. It was about being a working mom. The woman being interviewed was talking about how other moms were asking her how she had time to do things like throw amazing birthday parties, do scrapbooking and other things on top of working full time, having a blog and being a speaker. She said, “What they were really asking was how I had time to do things I loved.”
I don’t want to do scrapbooking, but there was a little bit of jealousy there. Jealousy that she was so good at making time for things she loved to do that people were asking her about it. That she was doing all the things I thought I wanted to do, and doing them so well that other people wanted to learn from her.
She’s written two books! And she has three kids!
I’ve spent the last few years trying to figure out how to simplify things so that I could have the job and the blog and still make time for me, all while actually enjoying my children.
That was the whole point.
When I heard her talking though, I thought I wasn’t as good at it as she was. (That’s apparently always going to be my thing, “I’m not good enough.”)
But that’s not what it is.
I want something different.
It’s been really hard to realize it and admit it.
It’s really hard to picture it.
It’s hard to talk about it in the right way. For some reason I tell people ridiculous things like “I think my kids will be bored at home all the time because they’re used to daycare.”
Now I’m just saying things like, “I’m kind of scared to be home with them and my husband all day.”
It goes a little deeper than that. I mean, I am kind of scared. I’m scared I won’t be the mom I want to be. I’m scared that I’ll turn into someone that’s just yelling at my kids and always frustrated.
But that’s ridiculous because I’ve spent months working on tools to help me be the parent I want to be.
I guess what’s really scary is, what if I have the chance to be the person I want to be and I’m not good at it? Or I don’t like it?
I’m one of those people that likes to be challenged. I like to solve problems creatively. That’s my superpower, seeing things differently and seeing solutions other people don’t see.
But now I’m admitting and stepping up to my dream.
It will take a lot of work.
It will be a challenge. (Didn’t I just say I like challenges?)
It means going from being complacent to taking a leap.
It’s meant to be a little bit scary.
Growth can be a little bit scary. It can give you that feeling in the pit of your stomach. The first few times you feel it you think it means you’re supposed to back off. But if you practice, you’ll realize it means you’re about to do something amazing.
So, here’s to the next chapter.
I think it will be amazing!