Working Mom

How I Quit My Job Of 10 Years

December 27, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

This is the story of how I told my company I was leaving after 10 years. I wrote it right after it happened and didn’t publish it right away, but thought you might want to know how it went down.

How I Quit My Job Of 10 Years - Just Getting Things Done

Well, I didn’t really mean to tell my boss yet that I was quitting to move back to my hometown, but it happened.

I had just finished a conversation with my friend and coworker about how give-a-shits were kind of low but I could just coast along because no one was saying anything when our director called me into his office. At first I thought we were just having that meeting we were supposed to have, but when he headed to his office and closed the door I knew something was up.

He opened with, “You seem disengaged.”

I was quiet for a minute and then said, “Yeah.”

The conversation did not go the way he thought it was going to go.

I’m direct. I couldn’t just lie to his face when he asked me about it. The second sentence out of my mouth was,

“I’m going to be quitting and moving to Michigan.”

It was not pretty. I cried when I said it.

Suddenly quitting my job was real.

We made the decision just like that, but it still seemed like an idea. I mean, in our heads we were like already there. We were picturing ourselves living in those houses we saw on realtor.com. But really we were still doing the same things we did every other day.

Then all of the sudden, I was really quitting my job.

I couldn’t take it back after I told him.

I had to call my husband afterward and I was crying so hard at first that he almost freaked out because he didn’t know what was wrong. I calmed down enough to talk to him but I was overwhelmed because I didn’t expect to do it yet.

That was yesterday.

I was asked to talk to my boss today (Friday). It took me most of the day, but finally I went and had the conversation with her.

It was easier than the conversation yesterday because I was prepared for it. It was also harder in that she was practically crying about it, which of course made me teary and emotional, but we both made it through.

I texted my mom yesterday and told her that I had told our director. She said, “Bring it on!”

That at least made me smile.

I know she’s cheering for me.

Well, my whole family really. My sister is just cheering with tears in her eyes maybe, but then again, me too.

Moving Across the Country With 3 Kids – Expect the Unexpected

October 30, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

I don’t know the best way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. As a parent you should already know this:

Things are probably not going to go as planned.

Moving with 3 Kids - Expect the Unexpected: Just Getting Things Done

Let me give you some examples of how this has worked out for us.

We didn’t get an offer on our house the first week.

You might think I mean this as some kind of joke.

I don’t.

My husband was upset we didn’t have an offer after our house was on the market for 3 days. All of the stories we heard were: “I put my house on the market and had a full cash offer in 18 hours without the buyers ever even seeing the house.” “We did an open house when we put our house on the market around Thanksgiving and one of the people that came to the first open house bought our house.”

That is not what the market looks like in our area right now.

But we had high expectations.

It’s been on the market over a month and we haven’t had an offer.

The kids got sick.

Yeah, you probably know this one too. What’s the worst timing for the kids to get sick? That’s when they will get sick. And it was the stomach flu.

Who would have thought it would be baby #3 that would be the first to puke in the car?

Not me.

It happened while we had a showing at our house no less. They were still here 5 minutes before the hour was up! I had to run in and grab cleaning supplies while they were still here and of course “My 1 year old just puked in my car and I need to grab some cleaning supplies.” just came flying out of my mouth.

Yeah, I wouldn’t want to buy this house if that happened while I was here looking at it either.

We’ve barely been in the office our last two weeks at work.

The worst part about the baby getting sick was it came right on the heels of 3 days off school for the kindergartner and in my last full week of work. Between my husband and I we were home all week last week plus the Friday before and the Monday after.

So, if you have big plans to accomplish a lot your last couple weeks at work, beware. A bunch of stuff will probably come up and you won’t get nearly as much work done as expected.

In fact I should be at work right now, but I’m taking a sick day to stay home with the baby (which honestly, is totally fine with me). Thankfully I had some sick time though. There’s just a little bit of guilt about actually using it…

Think showings will be scheduled for when you’re already planning to be out of the house?

Think again.

Showings are always at the most inconvenient times.

For one showing my husband had to be out of the house with the kindergartner during a work call while his car was in the shop.

We had an 8:30 am showing on a Saturday! Followed by 12-1 and then 1:45-2:45.

Seriously, we’re normally out of the house all week. Now you want to ruin our whole Saturday and make it impossible for us to clean and do laundry?

Yes, that’s exactly how it goes.

But, you don’t have to stress about any of that stuff because you don’t have control over it. You don’t control the school calendar and you surely don’t control when your kids get sick. You don’t control other people’s schedules either.

Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. Make it as simple as possible and you will get through it.

Work-life Balance is Not a Myth

October 5, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

I’m excited to bring you a guest post today!

Suzanne Brown is a strategic marketing and business consultant and work-life balance speaker, strategist, and bestselling author on Amazon. She empowers working moms to create the balance they crave with small changes that make a big impact over time. Check out www.mompowerment.com to watch her TED talk, read more about her books, and read her weekly blog about topics related to work-life balance such as productivity, time management, and being intentional with your time. She lives in Austin, TX with her husband and two young boys. You can find her latest book on work-life balance for working moms on Amazon.

I have heard work-life balance is a myth, but I don’t agree.

What is a myth is trying to evenly divide your time on a daily basis.

You might have days when you get that 50/50 split, but they will be rare. And on the many days you don’t get it, you’ll likely feel disappointed and unnecessary pressure.

Who wants to feel like they fail on a daily basis?

So, what is a more realistic approach? What is doable when it comes to work-life balance?

Two mindset shifts can help make things easier (sorry, nothing makes things truly easy) when you’re trying to create more work-life balance as a working mom.

1. Think of work-life balance over the long-term.

Consider how you balance your time over a week, month, quarter, or even the year. This approach can take some of the pressure off and maybe even help with mommy guilt.

What does it look like?

Maybe you work like crazy during the week, so that your weekends are all about family. Perhaps one morning a week you head to work later than usual so that you can volunteer in the library for your child’s class. You could look into working from home one day a week so that you don’t have commute time and get started and end earlier.

There is no one way, so see what works over the long term for you and your needs.

2. Consider that each side of your life doesn’t have equal value.

An hour of time with your family and an hour of work time aren’t necessarily equal. Only you can decide how much of each kind of time balances out the other kinds of time (e.g., family, work, time with friends, passion project, etc.). And don’t let others’ assessment of value change your value formula.

You’ve probably noticed that I’m not offering up a formula or a specific approach that makes things easier.

It’s really based on your needs and your situation.

What works for your sister, best friend, or neighbor might not work for you and vice versa. That is not a bad thing. It’s actually a great thing.

You get to decide.

And it takes away the need to compare.

You’re talking to others to get ideas, but you can take what you want or adjust the ideas to fit your needs. Leave the rest of the advice and ideas behind. You get to make balance what you want and when you want it. It’s actually quite freeing when you think about it.

When it comes to being better about work-life balance, there are a few areas that can really make a difference in becoming more efficient with your time.

Consider how you work.

Many professional working moms I interviewed use batching or time blocking, where you work on like things together (e.g., email, writing blogs, doing research for projects, etc.). An alternative to this, especially if you have a choppier day, is the Pomodoro technique. You work for 25 minutes and then rest for 5. I highly suggest you maximize both kinds of time in this case. For example, if you work from home, use the 5-minute pockets to unload the dishwasher. Two sets of 5-minute windows and you’re done.

Create and maintain boundaries.

Let’s face it. Technology is a great enabler for making things happen at work, but it can also blur boundaries. You want to have time away from work each night so that you have time to recharge. One key element to this is to define emergencies and have everyone on your team, including your clients and suppliers, agree. You can also agree with your family about personal emergencies, so they know when it’s OK to interrupt work time.

Boundaries can also help you divide your time because they aren’t only between work and life. They can help you create buckets of time on your calendar to get things done. Essentially, these boundaries can help you divide up your day so that you’re efficient with your time.

Take time for self-care.

Who hasn’t heard the comment about putting on your own oxygen mask first. Let’s face it, though, most working moms ignore that advice regularly. Self-care really is important, though. It’s not selfish. And think about what a better mom, wife, employee, friend, etc. you’ll be if you take time to regularly fill your cup.

I’ll leave you with a final thought.

You have the power to create the work-life balance you want.

You might not have ideas, but that is where your tribe comes in. All those moms who love and support you, they have loads of ideas and things that work in their lives. They might work in your life or you might need to adjust them a bit so they work better with your needs. Start talking about solutions and things that work. Ask them about challenges you’re having, so that you can get an outside opinion. Support your fellow working moms and ask for support. We can do this individually, but we can definitely do it better (and maybe faster) when we are all supporting each other.

Big Life Changes

September 27, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

I was listening to this podcast episode that my sister told me about in the car yesterday. It was about being a working mom. The woman being interviewed was talking about how other moms were asking her how she had time to do things like throw amazing birthday parties, do scrapbooking and other things on top of working full time, having a blog and being a speaker. She said, “What they were really asking was how I had time to do things I loved.”

I don’t want to do scrapbooking, but there was a little bit of jealousy there. Jealousy that she was so good at making time for things she loved to do that people were asking her about it. That she was doing all the things I thought I wanted to do, and doing them so well that other people wanted to learn from her.

She’s written two books! And she has three kids!

I’ve spent the last few years trying to figure out how to simplify things so that I could have the job and the blog and still make time for me, all while actually enjoying my children.

That was the whole point.

When I heard her talking though, I thought I wasn’t as good at it as she was. (That’s apparently always going to be my thing, “I’m not good enough.”)

But that’s not what it is.

I want something different.

It’s been really hard to realize it and admit it.

It’s really hard to picture it.

It’s hard to talk about it in the right way. For some reason I tell people ridiculous things like “I think my kids will be bored at home all the time because they’re used to daycare.”

Now I’m just saying things like, “I’m kind of scared to be home with them and my husband all day.”

It goes a little deeper than that. I mean, I am kind of scared. I’m scared I won’t be the mom I want to be. I’m scared that I’ll turn into someone that’s just yelling at my kids and always frustrated.

But that’s ridiculous because I’ve spent months working on tools to help me be the parent I want to be.

I guess what’s really scary is, what if I have the chance to be the person I want to be and I’m not good at it? Or I don’t like it?

I’m one of those people that likes to be challenged. I like to solve problems creatively. That’s my superpower, seeing things differently and seeing solutions other people don’t see.

But now I’m admitting and stepping up to my dream.

It’s exciting.

It will take a lot of work.

It will be a challenge. (Didn’t I just say I like challenges?)

It means going from being complacent to taking a leap.

It’s meant to be a little bit scary.

Growth can be a little bit scary. It can give you that feeling in the pit of your stomach. The first few times you feel it you think it means you’re supposed to back off. But if you practice, you’ll realize it means you’re about to do something amazing.

So, here’s to the next chapter.

I think it will be amazing!

Moms Getting Through the Day – Lazy Breakfast, Feeling Put-Together and a Bath

April 13, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

This is the sixth post in this series, the first is here, second, third, fourth, fifth.

This didn’t actually happen today. When I was about to get in the shower I heard one of the girls and it reminded me of Tuesday morning. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten about something that happened that was so good.

Tuesday morning the girls and I enjoyed a relaxed breakfast together.

The big girls were eating bagel donuts (bagels with cream cheese with sprinkles on top). Emma was sitting by Clara helping her. It was so sweet. She was giving her puffs and drinks of water. Emma didn’t think she’d be able to give her a drink of water because Clara uses an open cup (it’s a Montessori thing), and even when the adults do it we spill. But she tried and was good at it. It was really cute.

Ivy was sitting on my lap giving me some snuggles. We were all talking and enjoying each other’s company. Everyone was in a good mood. It was nice. What a great way to start the day. And something I should remember!

As for Thursday, there were a couple things that helped me get through the day.

Feeling put-together!

Mom Getting Through the Day - Breakfast, Feeling Put-Together and a Bath; Just Getting Things Done

Once I decided to accept my body the way is it now, I had to start working on my wardrobe, which I am still doing. Because I spent time on my wardrobe, I was able to just grab an outfit that I knew would look good together.

I just got a great striped shirt that’s exactly what I wanted and comfortable. When I got it, I looked at it with my new gray ankle-length jeans and liked them together. I also got some other shirts. I tested how the jeans and shirts would look with my black and gray blazers. I tried on some of the outfits, some I just looked at.

Yesterday I wanted to look professional and I was already out of blouses, so I knew I wanted to wear the striped shirt. I also knew how I could use it in an outfit.

I could just throw on the whole outfit.

I wasn’t sure which shoes I wanted to wear, so I tried on two pairs of shoes, but either would have worked.

I even put a necklace on!

I know for some people that’s normal, but I rarely wear necklaces unless I’m in a phase where I wear a particular one every day.

The best part of the outfit though was that I felt good and I felt like I looked put-together. When I see other people that look put-together, it looks effortless. It’s not. It’s just not the kind of effort I thought. The effort is more in the shopping and making sure what you have works together.

I don’t know what it was, but I was just kind of frustrated last night and didn’t have as much patience as I sometimes do. I also got a headache. So, I decided I just needed some quiet and something that would actually relax me.

My new thing is to take a bath.

It’s actually surprisingly easy to get a bath in. Even though we have a jack-and-jill bath and the baby is on the other side of the bathroom door. Even though I put the girls to bed last night. Even though I had other stuff I felt like I should be doing (like writing this post), I decided I just needed some quiet time to relax. So I did.

I also started putting essential oils in my bath. I don’t know the benefits or uses of them, but I’m not letting that stop me any more. I just put in the scents I like.

Moms Getting Through the Day – Digging Deep

April 10, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

This is the fifth post in this series, the first is here, second is here, third is here, fourth here .

OK, I have to admit that today I had to search to come up with something that helped me get through the day. It wasn’t a bad day, there just wasn’t anything that stuck out. I mean, the girls didn’t do great getting ready this morning. My husband had to carry Ivy out to the car and she was wearing only a leotard, which is not exactly appropriate clothing for school.

I had to put pants on her at school and she had to put her socks and shoes on. Emma changed her pants at school too because she didn’t like the ones she was wearing. But drop-off went good. Once we got the clothes situation worked out they kissed me goodbye and didn’t ask me to stick around.

Work went by fast because I had 3 interviews today, at 9, 11 and 1. I’m helping do first round interviews for another team. I thought it would be good to get some more interview experience. It’s been 5 years since I interviewed anyone, but I didn’t realize how much time it would take up when I offered to do it. It wasn’t bad. I mean, I like it when the day goes by fast, but there wasn’t much time for me to focus on any of my own work.

Tonight was bath night and my night to put the girls to bed. They played nicely after dinner. They “decorated” the living room with cupcake liners and then wanted me to find them all, which was kind of messy but it was fun.

We tried not using the monitor tonight but then of course the girls came upstairs. Emma needed saline because she was stuffy…That meant Ivy needed it too. Which of course was just an excuse for Ivy to come upstairs yet again. She actually came upstairs twice during bedtime. They called out later that Ivy had to go potty and she “couldn’t” do it herself (which we know not to be true), but my husband went down and dealt with it and they didn’t make much noise after that.

So, in the spirit of the exercise, I’ll pick a few things that helped me get through the day.

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