Just Getting Things Done – Helping overwhelmed and exhausted moms break free from the chaos and feel like themselves again.

Big Life Changes

September 27, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

I was listening to this podcast episode that my sister told me about in the car yesterday. It was about being a working mom. The woman being interviewed was talking about how other moms were asking her how she had time to do things like throw amazing birthday parties, do scrapbooking and other things on top of working full time, having a blog and being a speaker. She said, “What they were really asking was how I had time to do things I loved.”

I don’t want to do scrapbooking, but there was a little bit of jealousy there. Jealousy that she was so good at making time for things she loved to do that people were asking her about it. That she was doing all the things I thought I wanted to do, and doing them so well that other people wanted to learn from her.

She’s written two books! And she has three kids!

I’ve spent the last few years trying to figure out how to simplify things so that I could have the job and the blog and still make time for me, all while actually enjoying my children.

That was the whole point.

When I heard her talking though, I thought I wasn’t as good at it as she was. (That’s apparently always going to be my thing, “I’m not good enough.”)

But that’s not what it is.

I want something different.

It’s been really hard to realize it and admit it.

It’s really hard to picture it.

It’s hard to talk about it in the right way. For some reason I tell people ridiculous things like “I think my kids will be bored at home all the time because they’re used to daycare.”

Now I’m just saying things like, “I’m kind of scared to be home with them and my husband all day.”

It goes a little deeper than that. I mean, I am kind of scared. I’m scared I won’t be the mom I want to be. I’m scared that I’ll turn into someone that’s just yelling at my kids and always frustrated.

But that’s ridiculous because I’ve spent months working on tools to help me be the parent I want to be.

I guess what’s really scary is, what if I have the chance to be the person I want to be and I’m not good at it? Or I don’t like it?

I’m one of those people that likes to be challenged. I like to solve problems creatively. That’s my superpower, seeing things differently and seeing solutions other people don’t see.

But now I’m admitting and stepping up to my dream.

It’s exciting.

It will take a lot of work.

It will be a challenge. (Didn’t I just say I like challenges?)

It means going from being complacent to taking a leap.

It’s meant to be a little bit scary.

Growth can be a little bit scary. It can give you that feeling in the pit of your stomach. The first few times you feel it you think it means you’re supposed to back off. But if you practice, you’ll realize it means you’re about to do something amazing.

So, here’s to the next chapter.

I think it will be amazing!

Moving Across the Country with Kids – Timing the Details

September 11, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

Just Getting Things Done: Moving Across the Country with Kids - Phase 2 One of the hardest parts of moving across the country is trying to figure out the timing of everything.

We don’t really remember everything that happened when we bought our house. It was like 8 years ago, before kids. It feels like a whole different lifetime. And doing all that crap without having kids is completely different than doing it when you already have 3 small children. Plus, where we’re going is a completely different market. So we’re not even really sure how everything works on the buying end.

And now we have to sell a house too!

We have never sold a house before, so we don’t really have a great idea of how the whole process of selling a house works. That was one of the things that could have held us back, even the idea of getting the house ready to put on the market just seemed like it would be too much work. We would never have time for it. I’ll write more about this, but let me just say that asking for help is the best way to accomplish this part.

I’m thinking you just do it all on a wing and a prayer.

You pray that your house sells quickly.

You wing it when it comes to when to quit your job, give notice at daycare, give notice at aftercare, pull your child out of school, move out of your house, etc.

For now it feels like there are a million balls in the air and a million things to think about. It’s exciting. But it’s also a little difficult because it’s just hard to function when you have so much going on in your head.

I just try to take it one thing at a time.

First step, get the house listed.

I mean, there are a lot of steps that need to happen to accomplish Step #1, but I can break all that down to.

What’s the big thing that needs to happen next?

What actions do I need to take to get there?

There’s really no question about when it can get done, so I don’t exactly have to schedule it. Nights. Weekends. That’s all there is.

Sidenote: I was looking for an image to use in this post and the images of happy, smiling, put-together families with children surrounded by an immaculate room with a cute stack of boxes just kill me. Not realistic.

We’re Moving Across the Country with Three Little Kids!?!

September 7, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

We made a huge decision – we’re moving across the country!

From Denver, CO to Grand Rapids, MI.

How did we come to this decision?

It feels like we had one conversation and that was it, decision made. But that’s not really how it went down.

My husband has been saying since we got married that he would move to Grand Rapids.

He’s been telling me for the last year (or more) that we could pay cash for a house there. (I did not believe him.)

About a month and a half ago, we went to Grand Rapids. When I was there I asked my aunt how much her house was listed at. She wouldn’t tell me. I didn’t even ask how much she paid. I knew she wouldn’t answer that, but I was curious to know what a gorgeous house like that costs in that area. I thought my husband would want to know.

I noticed a house for sale down the street from my mom, but didn’t think too much about it.

She pointed out her realtor’s house (also down the street) when we were out for a walk.

We got back to Denver and I think we wanted to find the house down the street from my mom.

We started looking on realtor.com.

I realized we could actually get enough from the sale of our current house to be able to pay cash for a house in the Grand Rapids area.

Everything just snowballed from there.

One night, we sat on the couch and we talked about it.

What if?

What if we can pay cash for a house?

What if I could quit my job?

What if the kids didn’t have to be in daycare, but could be?

What if we could spend the summers at the beach with the kids?

What if my mom could watch them twice a week?

We finally found an idea that we were excited about.

We didn’t “officially” decide with that conversation, but that was when we knew, we were both ready for a big change and this was the big change we wanted. It took another week or so and some move conversations to really decide.

Every other conversation we’d had about adding on to the house, finding a new house in Denver, just left us feeling blah. It never felt right.

We have a lot of family here that we don’t want to leave, and we knew that would be the hardest part. It’s one of the biggest things keeping us here and one of the main things holding us back.

I hesitate to put this in writing, because I don’t really like to admit it, but the reality is the idea of how much work it would take to move was holding us back too.

We’re just tired.

We’re tired of the way our life is right now. It doesn’t fill us up with energy, it drains us. So we knew that finding the energy to move would be hard. (It’s excitement and asking for help that fuels it, by the way).

But that’s why we want to make this move.

We’re tired and we’re ready for a change.

Telling people makes it feel real.

My husband started telling people probably before I was ready, but then it was like “I guess we can’t back out now.”

It kind of pushed us to action, because we did mean it.

So now it’s official – we’re moving.

Know Thyself – I Hate Planning, or Do I?

August 8, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

Know thyself is one of Gretchen Rubin’s universal truths, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. It’s hard to know ourselves because there are a million different criteria we can use. Just look at how many different personality tests are out there.

I read Brené Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection and she talks about courage, compassion and connection. She talks about resilience, shame, joy, gratitude, etc., etc.

How are we supposed to know how we react to all of those emotions?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you avoid conflict? Are you highly sensitive?

We could take up all of our time just trying to know ourselves.

Instead of devoting all my time to this, you know, because I have a family and a job and stuff, I’m trying to just pay attention more. To be mindful.

Know Thyself - I Hate Planning, or Do I? - Just Getting Things Done

One of the things that makes this harder than it should be is we have these ideas of ourselves that may not be true. For example, I thought I liked planning and I probably would have even said I was good at it.

But I just realized –

I hate planning!

Any of my family members that read this are probably laughing out loud because of how obvious it was (is) to them.

Why was I so wrong about myself?

Well, when you’re on your own you have to plan at least some things. So you do it. In my marriage, I feel like I have to plan. This task falls to me because “I’m the planner.”

Which is ridiculous because it’s not true.

If I were good at planning or enjoyed it, we would have gone to Florida this year.

We didn’t.

I wanted to go see my aunt and grandparents, to spend time with them and so they could meet Clara. My husband also wanted to go because he wanted a vacation at the beach and to see my family.

We missed my opportunity to go because I couldn’t plan it. (And by missed our opportunity, it’s because my aunt isn’t there anymore and we would have stayed with her.)

There were too many decisions to make. Was it worth it to fly Frontier and take a red eye because it cost 1/3 of the price of any other airline? How many seats would we need? Who would sit with who? When should we go? How long should we stay?

It was just too much.

The same thing happened again recently. My husband started asking what we were going to do for Emma’s party. I knew I didn’t want a party with her whole entire class, but that was about all I knew. My husband kept trying to get me to make a decision and I wouldn’t do it.

So what did we do for her birthday? We picked her up from daycare (they did cupcakes without us) and went to Whole Foods and let her pick what she wanted for dinner. She also picked out a hydrangea plant.

I didn’t even get her a birthday present!

I had so many excuses for why I didn’t. She didn’t need anything. She would be getting lots of gifts anyway. We already have too much stuff.

Then why did I feel bad?

I wanted to have planned something for her and I didn’t.

I let myself get hung up on details and expectations and I don’t do it in a way that works for me.

When I dug deeper I realized that I do like planning, I was just going at it wrong.

I like planning things and looking forward to them, but I sometimes get hung up on details or other expectations.

I want to plan a trip but there are so many questions that I get overwhelmed. I lose sight of the big thing and get mired in the details.

When it comes to presents, I’m the same way. I want to do something really thoughtful and find something the other person really wants, but I’m not always great at that, so I just give up.

Now I’m looking at planning differently.

I planned a mom’s night out for a date, time and location that worked for me.

One other person showed up.

It was great! We had a good conversation. We’ve gotten together since.

I actually made a new friend.

I guess the lesson was that I need to stop telling myself I hate planning and plan things I enjoy.

Moms Getting Through the Day – Lazy Breakfast, Feeling Put-Together and a Bath

April 13, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

This is the sixth post in this series, the first is here, second, third, fourth, fifth.

This didn’t actually happen today. When I was about to get in the shower I heard one of the girls and it reminded me of Tuesday morning. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten about something that happened that was so good.

Tuesday morning the girls and I enjoyed a relaxed breakfast together.

The big girls were eating bagel donuts (bagels with cream cheese with sprinkles on top). Emma was sitting by Clara helping her. It was so sweet. She was giving her puffs and drinks of water. Emma didn’t think she’d be able to give her a drink of water because Clara uses an open cup (it’s a Montessori thing), and even when the adults do it we spill. But she tried and was good at it. It was really cute.

Ivy was sitting on my lap giving me some snuggles. We were all talking and enjoying each other’s company. Everyone was in a good mood. It was nice. What a great way to start the day. And something I should remember!

As for Thursday, there were a couple things that helped me get through the day.

Feeling put-together!

Mom Getting Through the Day - Breakfast, Feeling Put-Together and a Bath; Just Getting Things Done

Once I decided to accept my body the way is it now, I had to start working on my wardrobe, which I am still doing. Because I spent time on my wardrobe, I was able to just grab an outfit that I knew would look good together.

I just got a great striped shirt that’s exactly what I wanted and comfortable. When I got it, I looked at it with my new gray ankle-length jeans and liked them together. I also got some other shirts. I tested how the jeans and shirts would look with my black and gray blazers. I tried on some of the outfits, some I just looked at.

Yesterday I wanted to look professional and I was already out of blouses, so I knew I wanted to wear the striped shirt. I also knew how I could use it in an outfit.

I could just throw on the whole outfit.

I wasn’t sure which shoes I wanted to wear, so I tried on two pairs of shoes, but either would have worked.

I even put a necklace on!

I know for some people that’s normal, but I rarely wear necklaces unless I’m in a phase where I wear a particular one every day.

The best part of the outfit though was that I felt good and I felt like I looked put-together. When I see other people that look put-together, it looks effortless. It’s not. It’s just not the kind of effort I thought. The effort is more in the shopping and making sure what you have works together.

I don’t know what it was, but I was just kind of frustrated last night and didn’t have as much patience as I sometimes do. I also got a headache. So, I decided I just needed some quiet and something that would actually relax me.

My new thing is to take a bath.

It’s actually surprisingly easy to get a bath in. Even though we have a jack-and-jill bath and the baby is on the other side of the bathroom door. Even though I put the girls to bed last night. Even though I had other stuff I felt like I should be doing (like writing this post), I decided I just needed some quiet time to relax. So I did.

I also started putting essential oils in my bath. I don’t know the benefits or uses of them, but I’m not letting that stop me any more. I just put in the scents I like.

I’m Ready to Believe I’m Good Enough

April 11, 2018 by Rachel Bowman Leave a Comment

Journey to Believe I'm Good Enough - Just Getting Things Done

I started reading The Gifts of Imperfection once before, but I didn’t get very far. It just wasn’t the right time I guess.

Normally when I read, I read for fun, for entertainment. That is not a book you can read lightly. But time and again, when questioned deeply about what’s going on, the thing that keeps coming out of my mouth is, “I’m not good enough.”

Not good enough for what?

Not good enough to have the life other people have. Not good enough to make money but have more free time. Not good enough to decorate my house. Not good enough to look put-together.

I don’t go through my days saying these things to myself, they’re just there in the background. They’re unconscious thoughts. But what I’m learning about unconscious thoughts is that they’re pervasive. You have to shine light on them, bring them up to the surface, to be able to change them.

I’m trying to notice when these thoughts come up. When jealousy comes up. When I look at someone else and wish I could be more like them.
I’m interested to see what Brene Brown has in store for me in her gifts of imperfections: compassion, courage and connection. The premise of her book is that she can show me how to incorporate those into my daily life. I need to practice them daily.

It’s like some “homework” I was recently given. I was told to let my husband do the laundry for a month, with the goal being that I realize and understand that whether or not I do the laundry doesn’t change whether or not I’m worthy. It doesn’t change my value as a person. I’m not less of a wife or mom if I don’t do the laundry.
I’d love to say this is something everyone should try, and maybe you should, but in my case it was because it was one of those tasks I didn’t want to give up because I felt like it was mine.

I wasn’t letting my husband help me because then I didn’t feel like I was doing my job.

It’s the middle of the month. My husband is fine doing the laundry though he told me he wished I would have asked him instead of telling him. He is of course right about that.

While it’s the middle of that journey, I was going to say it’s the beginning of the bigger journey, but that’s not true. This journey has been a long time in the making. There were a lot of events that led me here and I can see the influences of some of the other ones even in the way I write.

I just finished Dani Shapiro’s Hourglass: Time, Memory, Marriage and I can tell that the way she talked about time and the journey that is life is influencing me today.
I’m thinking of my mom and wondering what she will think when (if) she reads this. If it were one of my girls reading it, it would make me sad and proud. One of the things I wish for most is that they see themselves the way I see them: beautiful always because of who they are.

But I also know what a struggle that can be. And as Brene says, I have to love myself first.

As always, I have to lead by example.

I’m ready to see where this journey will take me.

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